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Home | Sexual health & rights | My first vibrator

The story of how a contemporary European woman broke a taboo

My first vibrator


I was enjoying a special visit to Brighton for a short holiday and celebrating my 32nd birthday with some dear friends. During a break between drinking tea and going out my girlfriend asked me “Would you like me to show you my new vibrator?”

My reaction was a mixture between: sweating, laughter, shame, curiosity, surprise, embarrassment, shame again, relief that she was so open and spontaneous about it, but desperately wanting to keep this conversation from our male friends…

So she showed it to me; it was big, red, and the shape of a very proportional and highly erect penis. It lay in the basket with her socks and underwear, and she picked it up smiling and playfully showed me her new sex toy.

“It was not cheap, but if you consider how long you have it and how often you use it!!!...Well, then it’s really worth the money!”

I didn’t touch it though, I couldn’t. I felt so embarrassed, as if my dad caught me masturbating. And I felt embarrassed that I was so embarrassed.Image

There I was, with one of my best girlfriends, totally numb and my face red, grateful that she was sharing herself with me so intimately. Then finally the words came out:  “Well…I’ve wanted to buy one for years but I never dared.”

The biggest step I made towards this was to go to a website and look at what I could get in the shops. But the thought of having it delivered to my house and somebody seeing it and discovering what I had bought – this possibility drove me far from the actuality of buying one.


Modern - patriarchal - contemporary European woman!?!

So I am a 32 year old, contemporary, European woman, with one divorce behind me, a lot of sexual experience, even tantric experience, living polyamorously for 10 years…discovered myself, in this act of buying a vibrator, as a underdeveloped, patriarchal, ignorant woman.

My friend noticed that was on the verge of a break through and was very supportive and said “Oh, then you must buy it where I bought mine, you’ll love it in there. The woman who works there can help you make your choice, she helped me a lot.  I’ll come with you.”

It was the last day of my trip, it was raining in true English style – definitely not shopping weather! I was ready to drop the idea of going to the shop, happy to find an excuse not to go.  However, my friend was persistent and just before going to the airport we made our way there.

In the shop – oh, God!

From both the outside, and the layout inside, the shop could be a sweet shop, with clear glass windows and all sex toys were on display - to look at, play with and to touch, with batteries at the ready. The shop had been consciously and carefully arranged for customers and curious visitors.

The sales assistants, there were 2 women and 1 man, were very friendly and helpful, discussing their products with me as if they were cooking utensils or tea-pots. 

If my friend had not been with me the whole time I wouldn’t have been able to do it.  Honestly.  I was so rigid and frozen, nothing helped me, not even the natural way the assistant discussed the toys with me.  I couldn’t choose anything, oh yes, I was able to choose a color.  My friend said “take this one” so I took it, in pink.

So I now have a vibrator; it is made to stimulate the G- spot with extra extensions to stretch along the clitoris and sensitive skin around the vagina.  It has different speeds while vibrating.  It’s cute, it looks like a toy, it’s pink and pleasant to touch.

Her farewell words to me were “It is so good that you did it. You wanted to go do other shopping, but we got something for that will contribute to your happiness much more than a pair of trousers…”

Well… thank you my dear!